I can text with my tongue
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so much tequila, so little girl.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
