Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize