remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
