Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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