uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
