my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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