I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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