Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
