i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
