thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
