So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I haven't been this sober since birth.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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