The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
