I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
