Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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