..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
3 2 1 whiskey
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
