i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
