Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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