I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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