I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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