I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
