the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
