Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
