why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize