I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
