He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize