I just saw a hot homeless man
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
