there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
