i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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