OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize