Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
