didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
