he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
