Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize