from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So much Jack, so little girl.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
