so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
bring money and cleavage
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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