A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize