i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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