Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
