my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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