We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
