Jerry, you need to find god
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
