Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
