I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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