There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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