Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
