guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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