i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
