you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
