I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
