Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
