so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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