i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need moral support for this bender
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
