pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
