Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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