apparently the secret to your success is patron
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
