remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize