i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
