There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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