i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
