Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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