Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
