So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
