just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
