if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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