My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
