She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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