mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
