My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
