So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
