i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
