Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
