tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
