Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
