I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
