KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
