I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
