I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sober January is a disaster.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
