There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
