This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
