dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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