she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
