Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
