Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
