Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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