just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
