so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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