i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
