So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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