I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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