They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
