i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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