Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
