My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
