i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
