I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
