omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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