wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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